Showing Emotions
by GrapeSoda2
Summary: What was going through Two-bit's head when he came blubbering over to the Curtis's? This is my guess.


**Showing Emotion**

It's my fault, it's my fault.  
Ponyboy's unconscious and could die, tearing apart the family we already lost so much of, and it's my fault.  
Darry and Soda haven't talked to me since the incident happened, and they have every right not to.  
If it were my little brother in that bed, I wouldn't be so hasty to talk to the person who put him there myself.  
Then again, Pony is like my baby brother and I still talk to myself in my head.  
But I hate me, so I guess it has the same effect.

I desperately want to go see him, but I am procrastinating the rejection I know that is going to follow.  
That odd form of comfort doesn't seem to make the pain I am feeling any easier though.

I guess to ease that pain my body tells me to stop drinking.  
For most people it would be the other way around; where they'd drink themselves to the curb, I stop when I'm upset.

I guess it's just so I can somber it up, so I can feel the pain, so know that something actually does exist in this Godforsaken world.

Who knows.

If what is left of the gang would see me like this, I would probably scare the shits out of them, because I'm the one that never show emotions.  
I don't care though, as I give in to my wish to see Pony and approach his house door.

The place is dark accept for Soda's and Pony's room, and I knew without even thinking much about it that it was because Pone was getting worse.  
I didn't want to disturb them anymore, but I also didn't want it to be too late to apologize to all three of them, and not just two.  
_Stop that Keith,_ I scolded myself silently_, He's not dead yet, stop thinking like that._

I shook my head, and without even knowing how to stop, the tears I had kept at bay for the lat 48 hours, sprang forward.  
I had not cried since my dad left 5 years prior, so once I finally let myself go it was hard to regain control again.

But I had reasons to cry, it wasn't like I was finally over the edge or something.

No, I cried for Johnny and Dally, my Dad, Mr. and Mrs. Curtis, everyone.

But most of all, I cried for Pony.  
How it was my fault he my never reach graduation; how he may never come smiling up to Darry again, a report card with all A's in his hand; never win another track meet; never date his first girl; drink his first beer; or gaze at his first new born child.

Guilt as I had never known before came pouring out in quick shuddering gasps as brought my fist upon the Curtis's door.

Two minutes later a bleary eyed Darry opened the door, looking nervous.  
I could have slapped myself, and I would have if it weren't for the fact that Darry was looking at me.

The last time someone knocked on his house; besides the State, was when his parents were still alive.

"Two-bit?" He asked, confused. "What's the matter?"

Tears stared to fall more freely now.  
I knew what waited beyond this.  
I'd tell him my side of the story, the whole while he'd get madder and more ashamed of me to where he'd slam the door in my face and tell me to get lost.  
I couldn't take that much pain, I just couldn't.

"I-I", I said stupidly, looking like fish out of water. "I'm sorry."

I watched his face closely.  
First it was the same anguish and grief he'd worn since Pony collapsed, then his eyebrows came together to form a perfect line and he frowned.

"What for?"

I couldn't answer.  
I just continued to cry and shake like a 5 year old child.

"Two-bit?"

Darry stepped out of the house and came to stand beside me.  
he tried to get eye contact with me, but I continued to stare at the hole in my old, worn out, Converse sneaker.

"It's about Pony, isn't it?"  
He asked with a hitch in his voice.  
Ever since Ponyboy collapsed he always seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve.  
I couldn't blame him though; he'd been through a lot in the past week.

I nodded my head to answer his question.  
And when I finally looked up at him he had tears in his eyes too.

"Oh Two-bit."  
He said as he surprised me by wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

Out of all the outcomes I thought would happen, this is the one the expected least.

And even after the whole incident happened, when ever I would look at Darry I would picture Superman.  
But now, as he held me in his arms, stroking my hair, even though he had some grip to him, he still felt as weak and helpless as a day old kitten would.

And I had caused it.

My arms slowly found their way to Darry as well, because I knew, deep down, that this moment may never happen again; with him comforting me and loving me as a brother would.

"I didn't mean to."  
Was all I could manage to say.  
I knew I had to tell him, I just didn't know the best possible way yet.

Darry pulled away and looked at me in the eyes.  
"Didn't mean what, Two-bit?"  
Even though his voice was commanding, it was still comforting in a odd sort of way and I told him the truth.

"I knew Pony was sick, but he asked me not to tell you."

"Why'd he say that?"  
He asked curious now.

"Because he knew you wouldn't let him fight if I did."

Darry nodded his head, not denying it, but ashamed he hadn't noticed that himself, that he had to be told.

"How is he?"

Darry looked over his shoulder where I could see Soda standing for the first time since coming.

"Been better."  
But from the look in his eyes, and the way his body seemed to hunch over when he said this, I knew that he was lying for everyone's sanity.

"Can I see him?"  
I asked before I could even think twice about it and stop myself.

Soda came up to the doorway and looked out at me.  
"Don't see what harm it could do. Go ahead."

He sais in such a un-Soda like voice that I just stood and gaped at him for a couple of seconds.  
Had he heard my earlier speech and is mad at me like I feared that Darry would be?

No.

As I stared at him harder, I realized that it was because he was starting to tear up too.

I walked up to him and squeezed his shoulder  
He smiled up at me sadly and put his arms around me as well.

"Thank you Two-bit."

Now it was time for me to be confused.

"For what?"

He pulled back and looked at me.  
"For telling us. For just being here. For being you."

I smiled.  
"You're welcome Soda."

As I reached Pony's room, I began to shake.  
With fear or with tears that have not fallen yet, I couldn't tell you.  
I began to worry if there was something else wrong, something else we didn't notice and I would hurt him more.  
But I proceeded into his room and closed the door behind me.  
I don't knew why I closed it, this was Darry's house so he could listen if he wished to, but I just felt the need.

I turned around and gazed at Pony for the first time in days.

he lay tossing and turning, nightmares ripping through what should always be a peaceful sleep, but is not.

Sweat dripped from his forehead and neck, soaking his sheets and hair.  
His skin was clammy and pale and his fingers gripped the sheets as whatever it was in his dream came closer.

I slowly approached him, my fingers also tracing the lines of the sheets.  
His head turned to look at me, his eyes closed, mumbling something ineligible.  
But when he said Johnnycake's name I reached out and gripped his digits in mine.

"Pony," I whispered. "Hey Pone, it's me, Two-bit."

But of course I was met by only silence.  
Frustrated, I crouched down by his head so that we would have been eye to eye if were awake and whispered his name again.

And this time he returned it.

"Two-bit?"

It was a mumble, but it was enough to make me want to sing to the high heavens.

_He was going to be okay.  
_  
And as I lay my head by his, hearing Darry and Soda heading off to sleep themselves, I felt as if I had actually done something to help the Curtis's in their time of need.

I had showed the emotions they had most desperately needed.  
To help them understand why Two-bit Keith Matthews is the person he is:  
joking and fun one minute, but serious about his gang when need be.


End file.
